My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
We have so much sex to catch up on
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
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