Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
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