I must be too annoying 4 u.
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
