you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Randomize
