They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
I think your dad took our porno
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
