You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
