I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
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