i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
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