Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
