It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
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