She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
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