I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Randomize
