Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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