it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Randomize
