i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
COCAINE IS GR8
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
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