Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
But i did once see a show where a women was homeless and installed a stove in a school bus so she and her baby could live there since all the seats were taken out. As far as being homeless goes it didn't look half bad...So this is me promising to you that if i ever am living in an abandoned school bus...i will at least pimp it out with a stove so you can come over for dinner sometimes
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
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