the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
Randomize