My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Randomize
