I'd wear matching sweaters with you
im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
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