You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Randomize
