is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
