Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Randomize
