I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
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