I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Randomize
