need another drink. this is the easiest way
I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize
