I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
We just shotgunned beers for America
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
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