i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
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