What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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