i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
I use my feet as sexual weapons
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
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