i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
tonight lets celebrate not being married
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
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