The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Randomize
