My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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