every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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