I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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