Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Randomize
