Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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