I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
Randomize
