A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
