nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Randomize
