I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Randomize