if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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