I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Randomize
