How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
Randomize
