Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
