Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
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