those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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