I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
