Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
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