Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
