HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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