you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
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