I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
And my parents said I crawled through the house
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
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