i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
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