Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
My breasts were aching with rage.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
