Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
