it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Randomize
