apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
