guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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