Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
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