I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
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