I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
