Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
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