Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
