Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
