i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
Randomize
