im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
Randomize
