from now on my penis is your penis
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
lol hangovers are for mortals.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize