My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
someone owes me an orgasm
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
