I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
