he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize